She's Afraid.

It's a shaky smile
Before she sets it right.
She loves them still.
That's never changed,
And she knows it never will.
But this is something new.
It's something raw.
It's a growing dread.

It's a fear
She's never felt before.
The one thing
She was never afraid of before.
She never thought she'd be sent away
To a place
She’d never been before,
To live with people
She'd never known before.

She tries to shake it off.
She tries to cover it up.
But the truth, it doesn't go away.
And she finds she cannot hide,
Not from what she's afraid to find.
She's afraid.
She's afraid to go home...
Afraid they'll send her to another.

-Arya


This one is close to the heart, mine and a few other's.

Underneath

Violent storms it has weathered,
Many a tears it has sheltered,
Many a smiles it has harboured.
Now, the cracks spill your thoughts!

It hides hurt that is burning red,
Little marks of needle and thread,
Little burns of love and dread,
A wall that can't be fell?

The carefully built wall forgets
All the nights spent sleepless.
All those eternal secrets-
They show as it slips.

There's beauty in perfection?
But there's life… there’s life in
The face behind that mask..
The person under that veil.

-Arya

A Rant

Dear Rule Breakers,

Not all rules are meant to be broken. Especially, the road safety rules.

Some days , when I see pedestrians waltzing on the roads and vehicles moving confidently on the pavements, I actually wonder if, somehow, I was taught things wrong, or if the rules had changed overnight.

Remember when you were a little kid and your teacher taught you to ‘Look left, right. Then, cross the road’? She was NOT joking. You might have been too young to be told this then, but this rule applies when you are on a vehicle, too, regardless of the size of the vehicle, wheel count, colour, number of people on the vehicle… you see where I'm going. (Even if you are walking across a one-way road, look both sides - yes, you know why. You know where you live.)

It might look misleading, but your helmet is not a fashion accessory; for example, it isn't a Gucci bag to hang on the crook of your elbow when you drive. Neither is it something to put your groceries in after you've been shopping. It's for safety ( - yes, that word again). And it can't keep your head safe if it's on the petrol tank or between your feet. Oh, and head injuries don't just occur when you are in the field of vision of a traffic police officer.

Those small blinking lights on either side of your vehicle can be turned on when you need to take a turn or change lanes. (You do know that they exist, right?... right?) No, it is not a crime to do that. No, you will not be arrested. And when the blinkers on my vehicle are turned on, please pay heed. I'm not doing that because I am practicing for the club I want to start.

Overtaking someone on the road is not a mistake. So, it would not kill you to be less secretive about it and alert the driver before you do zip past him. But not doing that is a sure way to get yourself killed.

Headlights can be dimmed. Surprise, surprise! The next time you think someone is driving like a blind man, remember, you might be right. He might be blinded because you are shining a light in his face and the only thoughts in his head would probably be ‘there was road here’ or ‘am I dead and moving towards the light’ or ‘who taught that #%@# (you) how to drive’.

Red is ‘stop’.
Stop before the white line. And not half way across the pedestrian crossing.
Green is ‘go’. Not amber, GREEN. GREEN! GREEN!!

Another thing, honking does not make the vehicles in front of you go faster. It doesn't make the yellow light turn green - Yes, it’s been tested.

So ... BE SELFISH ! Take care of ‘YOU’rself. Protect ‘YOU’r head. Give up practices that make YOU prone to road accidents. Keep 'YOU'r family safe.

Do that, and you will be making the roads safer for everyone, including ‘YOU’rself.

Yours Sincerely,
That person who does not move until the light turns green.

Crimson.

Lack of recognition
In his bloodshot eyes.
A soft clink of ice.
Reality or vision?

His teeth hit the rim.
A red hot burn in his throat.
Is he drowning or afloat?
Liquid copper threatens to brim.

Fear filled eyes were hidden, -
Protected by her mother- but wet.
The scarlet filter made him forget
That hurting her was forbidden.

Angry drops of crimson dripped
And an angel left the nest
Dragging with her his life's zest.
And, of love he was stripped.

A helpless groan chases the sigh
That escapes the bleeding beast
The vultures of grief enjoyed a feast
Not waiting for him to die.

A shatter of glass. A million pieces.
He awakens with a start.
Was that his heart?
Or, is he really heartless?

-Arya

Alcohol not just brought down his inhibitions but awakened a monster he didn't know existed.
Losing all that he held dear, makes him wonder if the monster was him all along.

Always.

Sometimes I just want to go away.
To be alone. To set my own rules.
To define my boundaries. And test their strength.
To draw a line. Stay inside. Walk on it.
Erase it off. Draw another.

Sometimes I just want to walk.
Go where my feet takes me. To find own way and follow it.
To choose my own destination. Or to walk till I reach one.

Sometimes I just want to find myself.
To know what I am like. To know what I like.
To discover the person I am. To know who I want to be.

Sometimes I want to choose.
To pick a shade, to choose a colour.
To make my own decisions. To make my own mistakes.
To stumble, and find my way again.

Sometimes I just want to live.
To live, to breathe, to love.
I want to live without being judged. I want to breathe the air I want.
I want to love whom I want.
I want to live and be silly. I want to breathe and feel free.
I want to love and be loved.

Sometimes I want to be the girl I'm afraid to be.
Sometimes I want to be the girl I am.

-Arya


You write about things you see or stories you hear. But you write what you feel about it - there's a bit of the author in every story.

In the past few months, I've heard a few stories. Most of them... I wish were just stories. They made me think about a lot of things. Made me wonder 'What if?'. What if I was in their place.

So, this one is for every person in those stories as much as it is for me.

She waits..

A couple sleepless nights and I really began to miss sleep.. Miss it enough to personify it.. ;)

Seconds… Minutes… Hours…
She realizes she isn't lost.
Tears escape her closed eyes.
A shiver runs down her spine
She feels his fingers slip off hers.
And gone is the sweet warmth of wine.
She misses his safe, warm embrace
The sure, soothing beats of his heart
The smell of dreams in his steady breath.
But, she knows she never can
Forget this life and live another.
She cannot wake up in another place,
Or build a world of her own.
As she walks into an endless maze.
She knows he's there
But he’s hidden. Out of sight..
She follows his secret trail,
Wading deep into the labyrinthine.
Yet, she isn't lost,
But he is lost to her...
Eyes closed and, counting breaths,
For him, she searches.
She waits for him.

-Arya

This World I Have Truly Known!

(The Cries Of A Woman!)

Inspired by Kapil Sibal ’s poem "Aankh khuli aazad thi main".


I opened my eyes to my snow white wings.
Such a sweet melody, Freedom sings!
Wind in my wings. Goal in my mind.
But, me, to my nest, with chains you bind.

I crave to advance with a firm tread.
‘Why am I stopped?’, I said.
Why, but why, do you want me dead?!
Being not needed – It fills me with dread.

In quest of myself, I wander, lost!
Why must I smother the whispers of my soul?
Why must I cover my visions with frost?
Why, my life, must you control?

My spirit begs, ‘Stay Alive’.
Into the dark abyss, why force me to dive?
Why do you lust to drown me?
Me as your shadow, why do you crave to see?

I truly understand now,
Why I need to fight and how.

My mind commands, ‘Stride abreast!’
When you can lead, why only follow?
There’s courage vested in my chest.
In my immense strength, I’ll wallow!

Because, I truly understand now,
Why I need to fight and how!

I used to walk on my own.
Rely upon my strength alone.
Now, let me walk on my own.
For, this world I have truly known!!

-Arya


I wrote this poem a long time ago. It was a background-read (?I don't know what it's called) for a play. It's been two years and five months. Now, for absolutely no reason, seems like the perfect time to put it up here. :P

Hope & Magic

I’d been thinking if I could write a poem with someone else’s ideas. But I soon realized it isn't easy to remove my ideas and just, well, 'write'. I tried.. ;)

The prompt was ‘Magic’ and the only thought in my head was: Hope is magic.

And that thought became a 'little' different... :D


Hope

Eyes closed and fingers crossed.
Wishing and willing into existence.
The seed of belief buried deep.
Safe from the cast nets of doubt,
From suspicion's frosty gaze.
The fierce, silent battle
Against everyone and yourself.
A flickering, undying light in the dark.
A thing of beauty to be seen.
Magic

Eyes wide and fingers clasped.
Questioning but believing the existence.
The seed of belief buried deep
And spinning nets alongside doubt,
Welcoming suspicion's curious gaze.
The intricate, stirring dance
Of intimidation and awe.
Sudden, soothing beats in the silence.
So much more beautiful when unseen

The magical thing called hope
And hoping for magic -
Isn’t that what life and love is all about?

- Arya
(with ideas borrowed from my friend, Niranjan )

Purge

Apparently time doesn’t work for me the same way it does for you. It has been so many weeks… (months?!) since I last posted something here.

Well, four months (has it really been four months?) for you, isn’t four months for me! Of course, the time is to blame. Not me. Never me. :D

Okay, now that I’ve had time to think about it, maybe me.. ;)


A pleated skirt in navy blue.
Downcast eyes. Not a clue.
Somebody’s baby girl. An innocent.
Looked down upon, she knew not why.
Too young for the truth, but not a lie?

A few more years, a different view.
Hating someone she barely knew.
A young girl. An innocent.
With her head held high, she now walked,
To speak her mind she never balked.

She stepped inside the towering walls
Unable to tell what’s true; what’s false.
A fine woman. An innocent.
Her heart clenched at the wretched sight.
Blinded by the dawning light

She looked into the eyes of an innocent.
The prisoner, her father, an innocent.
A sobbing woman filled with guilt,
She fell at the feet of an innocent,
Was absolved by the touch of the innocent.

- Arya


The thought of a child growing up not knowing why people treated her the way they did and then learning where her father was and why is what made me write this.

When she is old enough to understand she hears from everyone the kind of a man her father was and that he was to blame for her terrible childhood. When she pays him a visit, probably to tell him what she went through, she sees that she’s had it easy. Things aren’t always the way they seem to be.

Middle of Nowhere

It’s been a while. I thought I’d post another poem. And, I’d do it now without putting it off for any longer. :D

Middle of Nowhere

Sometime in the last month, after what was a nearly two and half hour journey, we – that is, a couple of friends and I – found ourselves in a place where there was almost nothing. Nobody. Save for the few houses scattered about and the sound of insects (I think it was insects), there was no sign of another life. The serene blue sky with a sprinkle of clouds and the light brown ground with a rare splash of green- it was disconcerting, to say the least.

So, that was what made me write this…..a month ago.. :D